she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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