Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
