Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
