hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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