Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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