my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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