I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
