6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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