Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
