I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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