I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
