Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
