24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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