u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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