Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
