So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
