i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
