I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
