I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
