He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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