I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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