i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
There r osticjed everywhere
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
