Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
