so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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