We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
