the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
