Dual....:-)
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
