So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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