i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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