Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
