sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The Olympian is in my bed
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
