he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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