I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
