this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
