Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
