I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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