So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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