bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
