Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You have to summon your inner elephant
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
