this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
