i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
