How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
