I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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