I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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