I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
