I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
