He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
