I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
