He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
