I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
