you didnt know i had herpes?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
