he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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