My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
