Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
