STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
