there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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