i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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