is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
