She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
