If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
