Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
