I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
