my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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