Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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