why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
