she peed on how many people?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize