ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
