You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
