New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
