Sry I called you an 8
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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