She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
