dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
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