I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
