Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
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