fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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